Consider this your eviction notice, kid

Well, it’s official. I’m overdue.

Yes, my due date was yesterday and so naturally I spent the entire day not giving birth to a baby. Because apparently he has other plans. Other very important, pressing plans. Other very important, pressing plans that involve staying in my uterus and kickboxing my bladder.

That is, when he’s not busy with his very jam-packed “Head-Butting My Pelvis” schedule, of course.

Luckily for me, there are many people in this world who feel my pain. Many people who feel my pain and want to help ease it. By offering advice. Lots and lots of advice.

Oh sure, you could “technically” call these advice-giving people “random strangers on the street.”

But me? Nah. I prefer to call them my brand new friends.

Brand new friends like Random Grocery Store Cashier, who gave me the following tip:

And my new buddy, Random Male Barista:

Then, of course, there is Random Old Dude, who overheard Random Male Barista and so chimed in with his own helpful tidbit:

And who could forget Random Creepy Guy with Hitler Mustache, who had this gem:

And perhaps my favorite, Random Teen Baby Daddy on the Subway:

Yeah. So consider this your eviction notice, kid. You have one week to vacate the premises.

Or else Mommy has to do some very specific and slightly disturbing marital acts with Daddy that I will later document (complete with graphic stick figure drawings) and then force you to look at when you’re 15 as punishment.