When you’re 20:
Bikini that requires extensive de-hairing techniques
Giant bottle of baby oil
1 sundress, 2 tank tops, shorts with university logo
Impractical wedge sandal
Makeup box that holds approximately 37 pounds of makeup
Cute purse that is big enough to hold 4 wine coolers
Toothbrush
When you’re 40:
1920’s-style swimsuit so you can do the “lazy” shave
4 kinds of sunscreen
3 giant old lady hats, because you now have a sun allergy
3 Morticia-level beach coverups because you now have to get your moles checked out twice a year by a dermatologist
Giant tub of soothing lotion for when you DO break out into your sun allergy rash even though the lotion really doesn’t do anything
Flip flops you bought 7(?) years ago
Sunglasses that cover two-thirds of your face
1 bottle of Aleve
1 bottle of Ibuprofen
1 bottle of Tylenol
Claritin for seasonal allergies
Benadryl in case the Claritin needs backup
Pepto because any sip of water that is not from your specific area code now gives you diarrhea for some reason
Tums in case the Pepto needs back up
1 tube of that long-lasting red lipstick that you have to reapply every day because you have yet to find a makeup remover that can actually remove it
Giant purse that can hold four bottles of wine, two bottles of the medium affordable whiskey and a wide variety of snacks in case anyone gets hungry (also holds bandaids, giant tub of hand sanitizer and three sticks your 5-year-old asked you to carry for her last time you went to the park)
Extra plastic baggies because you never know when they could come in handy
Expensive electric toothbrush, regular floss, waterpiks, mouthwash, tongue scraper, dry mouth lozenges recommended by your dentist
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