Give it a breast already

In case you guys haven’t heard yet, I’m pretty much the best person on the planet.

It’s true. I mean, sure, Pope Francis had some good moments this year. But when it comes down to it, no one can compare to my pure and humble unselfishness. My pure, unadulterated courage. My pure and utter lack of pride in how completely amazing I am.

In fact, I’m so amazing, I feel bad for everyone else. No matter what anyone ever does from here on out, they’ll never compare to me.

So just what have I done to deserve the title of Best Person Ever, you ask?

Well, I…(cue dramatic church organ music)…am planning on breastfeeding.

breastfeeding 1

OK, OK, perhaps breastfeeding alone doesn’t necessarily make me the Best Person Ever (pretty sure I’m still in the Top 5 though). But judging from how people react when they find out I’m planning on breastfeeding once I pop this kid out, it does automatically put me in the category of Better Person Than You.

Yes, apparently any woman who breastfeeds in this day and age deserves her own parade, carried through the streets on a litter by the lowly parents who decided to feed their children formula.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the following:

“Good for you! You’re going to be such a good mom!”

“Breastfeeding is tough. You’re so brave for making this decision.”

“You’re obviously the superior parent. Will you raise my children?”

And that’s all from just planning on breastfeeding.

But here’s the thing. I don’t deserve all these accolades. One, because even though I want to breastfeed, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be able to or that I can hack it as a breastfeeder. Many women stronger and tougher than I have tried and failed.

Two, here are the reasons I decided to breastfeed, in order of importance:

1. Cheaper than formula.

2. Will help me lose weight.

3. Good for the baby or some junk.

And three, while breast may be best, our society has gotten out of control with the Judgy McJudgerson act regarding those who decide to bottle feed.

breastfeeding 2

Seriously, I’ve heard people compare using formula to child abuse. I have friends with babies who have had to sit through lectures from strangers about how selfish it is that they aren’t breastfeeding. And God help you if you can’t breastfeed for medical reasons but then don’t spend your life savings to buy breastmilk from some hippie mom you found on the Internet.

Sadly, as I’m quickly learning, the breastfeeding debate is just the front line in the bigger conflict known as the Mommy Wars, where every parent feels they know not only what is best for their child but what is also best for your child.

And I’m about to enter the fray woefully unarmed.

But, truth be told, I’m kind of glad I’m unarmed. Because I’d rather just assume you’re doing what you think is best for your child and I’m doing what I think is best for my child. And regardless of what we are actually doing, chances are still high that neither one of them will turn out to be a serial killer.

And if we’re REALLY lucky, neither of them grow up to be that know-it-all co-worker who interrupts every conversation with “well actually” either.

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9 responses to “Give it a breast already

  1. Excellent column. I especially enjoyed reading your attitude about how we are each doing what is best for our child. Passing that concept along to your child is one of the reasons you are going to be an awesome Mom. And good luck with the breastfeeding.

  2. I was one of eight progeny which issued from our parents and as far as I know, one of only two fed using the old-fashioned (or new-fangled now it seems) method. We are the two oldest which may indicate how quickly the novelty wears off, I dunno…

    I did turn out to be the smartest though. 🙂

  3. Great blog! I really wanted to BF but found out I couldn’t due to medical reasons. I had no idea how horrible some of the ‘Breast is Best’ extremists could be, especially on social media. Luckily, I’ve also found a lot of support through the same avenues. I say breast is not best. Breastmilk has some amazing properties. However, what is BEST is whatever works for you and your child. My bub is thriving and happy, and I’m able to feed her, and that’s all that matters to me. Good luck in your breastfeeding adventure, I really hope it works out for you.

  4. Pingback: A baby by any other name | Broke Wife, Big City

  5. Pingback: Having witch babies & other pregnancy fears | Chick Writes Stuff

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