Oh, you read me right. I am officially better than some of the most brilliant minds on the planet at keeping my shiz in order. I may have dust bunnies the size of Sam Winchester* under my bed, but at least my trash isn’t orbiting the Earth and threatening to decimate Idaho.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Now, not to sound like these guys:
But did you guys read that article in the New York Times about how we are only just now considering doing something about the huge amount of space junk we so generously left behind for the past 50 years? Apparently, it’s becoming a hazard. Like, “hey, there are 20,000 pieces of junk just hanging out up there and most are the size of a Greyhound bus” kind of hazard.
Yes, we take the same healthy attitude of “meh” toward destroying space as we do with our very own planet.
Luckily, the same brilliant minds who never considered the consequences of leaving huge piles of crap right above our heads have also come up with totally viable solutions to clean up their mess. In no particular order of ridiculousness, they are:
- A giant net to round up wayward items
- Giant balloons that would nudge wayward items away and make them Venus’ problem
- Firing lasers from the ground
- An $11 million vacuum cleaner called “CleanSpace One”
But perhaps my favorite idea is the Celestial Broom.**
If you’re having trouble picturing that, never fear. I drew a visual aid:
But HA! Not anymore. Cause while I may currently be going commando because I’ve been too lazy to do laundry for three weeks, at least my mess isn’t large enough to warrant our Martian neighbors giving the TV show “Hoarders” a call.
*Bonus points for you if you get that nerdy reference
**Which would also make a great band name…DIBS!