Tips to Beat the Heat (To Death)

Curl up in the fetal position in front of a fan and sob.


Lose an obscene amount of weight so you have absolutely no body fat and are now one of those lollipop heads who wear fur coats in the summer.


Make an altar to the air conditioning gods and pray regularly that there are no rolling blackouts.


Drink alcohol until you can’t feel anything, even humidity.


Get nekkid. Stay nekkid until October.


Stick ice cubes down your pants by your no-no parts.



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