Tips to Beat the Heat (To Death)

Curl up in the fetal position in front of a fan and sob.

Heat2

Lose an obscene amount of weight so you have absolutely no body fat and are now one of those lollipop heads who wear fur coats in the summer.

heat3

Make an altar to the air conditioning gods and pray regularly that there are no rolling blackouts.

heat4

Drink alcohol until you can’t feel anything, even humidity.

heat5

Get nekkid. Stay nekkid until October.

heat6

Stick ice cubes down your pants by your no-no parts.

heat7

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