How to communicate with your toddler (or “The Diaper Incident”)

It’s always an exciting time when your precious toddler moves from the pre-verbal stage to the almost-verbal stage. You know, when they’re just talking up a storm but in a dialect and a language that you don’t quite understand because it doesn’t exist anywhere else in the entire universe.

Take this recent incident between my son and I. See, currently his favorite game is “Drag All The Random Crap Out From His Room Into The Living Room And Into Momma’s Awaiting Hands.” The only rules I have imposed on this game are to not bring out his clean clothes from his dresser or the diapers from the diaper hangy thing (probably not its official name).

We were playing this game yet again one afternoon when he brought out one of the diapers from the aforementioned hangy diaper thing. Being the amazing mother I am and knowing how important it is to give children boundaries and stick to them, I made him put it back.

But then, a few minutes later, after handing me a rubber duck, a dust-covered binkie and his most prized possession, my left flip-flop, he brought out ANOTHER diaper. This time, I sternly laid down the law (again, because my mothering skills are unparalleled).

And would you believe, he went back in his room and immediately came out with yet ANOTHER diaper, handing it to me while loudly and sternly proclaiming “Bah doo ishbah!” Kids, I tell you. They always have to push those boundaries (as any wise mother such as myself knows).

Well, believe you me I told him to put it back.

And then…well, then he made his point the only way he possibly could when your wise, perfect, idiot mother is absolutely not listening to you. He reached into the diaper he was currently wearing and showed me in no uncertain terms that he had shat himself.

“Oh…so, guess you need a diaper change then, yeah?” I sheepishly said to him.

And walking toward his room with as much dignity as one could muster with a pantsful of poop, my son replied over his shoulder, “Duh.”

It just goes to show you, communicating with your toddler can be rough at this stage. But with a little bit of love and a whole lot of patience, they’ll eventually teach us stupid parents to listen.