You guys, I feel so bad. I can’t believe I have been so selfish and near-sighted. Not to mention, so utterly unfair. I mean, to think! That I could possibly be the cause of so much financial strife and anguish.
I am so so deeply ashamed right now.
Yes, dear readers, it is with a heavy heart that I inform you my husband and I just finished our taxes and as it turns out, we have cheated our poor government out of their hard-earned money. To the tune of $800!!!
Quite frankly, I’m surprised they’re even still up and running considering this monetary injustice.
To be honest, I’m not even sure how it happened. I mean, I know that our taxes are automatically taken out of our paychecks but, what? I’m just supposed to expect the people getting paid to know this stuff to know they’re taking out the right amount ahead of time!?! Please. These are very important people with very important things to do. I think we can all agree that current bills in Congress, such as H.R. 82, which would establish and implement security procedures to reduce the likelihood of baby switching and H.R. 213, which would ensure that consumers receive notification regarding food products from crops, livestock, or poultry raised on land which contained sewage sludge* aren’t just going to filibuster themself.
I can’t believe I didn’t do my civic duty as a civilian of these United States and double check they were taking out enough every two weeks. Honestly, how lazy can you get? The tax code, at only a mere 70,000 or so pages, is available to anyone who wants to read it.
Gee whiz. Well, I sure hope the government isn’t struggling because they’ve had to try to make ends meet without my $800 so far. To think that they might of possibly had to have had a committee meeting with only bagels, croissants and doughnuts, instead of bagels, croissants and the good doughnuts from that one bakery or that, God forbid, some of them actually had to SHARE staplers. I just…I just can’t even fathom.
But hey, if Congress is reading this right now, let me assure you that I am taking the necessary steps to rectify this situation as soon as possible.
Yes, just as soon as I figure out which only semi-vital organ I can sell on the black market, you will have your check.
*These are real bills being considered right now
Ha-ha. I hope you feel at least a little bit better after getting that off your chest. Funny stuff.
Sadly no, writing this didn’t make me feel better. This vodka, though, seems to be doing the trick.