Dothraki horseloaf with a side of wine. Lots of wine.

Guys. No…seriously. Guys. Stop whatever it is you’re doing right now (except, of course, for reading this blog…keep doing that…but put down your simultaneous game of Angry Birds on your phone and your unlicensed repinning of other people’s work on your iPad).

I have VERY IMPORTANT GEEK NEWS.

There is not one, not two, but…oh, wait…OK, no, just two (but still…TWO) “Game of Thrones” cookbooks.

Now, for you non-Song of Ice and Fire fans (or as we hardcore fans refer to you, Total Mega-Asshats), this may not seem a very big deal. But trust me, it is. Those of us who have devoted a good portion of our lives to reading these novels, which are 1,000 plus pages each, have nothing much to do until the sixth book comes out other than watch the HBO series with friends and lord it over their heads that we already know what’s going to happen in the next episode.

And since it takes the author, George R.R. Martin, approximately eleventy-billion years to finish a goddamn book, it doesn’t look like we’ll have anything to look forward to for quite awhile.

That is, until now. Already, the “unofficial” Unofficial Game of Thrones Cookbook has been published by some clever opportunist and this June, the Martin-approved “official” Official Game of Thrones Cookbook will be released.

Now, I don’t know what any of the recipes are but judging from what I remember about the books, you can probably expect things like:

Arya’s Roadkill Pigeon Pie

Khaleesi’s Krazy Kasserole

LittleFinger’s Lady Fingers with Raspberry Sauce

Jon’s SnoCones

Bran’s Handicapable Halibut

Hodor’s Hodor with a side of Hodor

Cersei’s Incestuous Cinnamon Buns

And the best news is, even if these recipes suck, no worries. Because you’ll probably be too wasted from wine and beer (which is featured prominently about every two pages or so) to care.

So, honey, if you’re reading this (and I know you will eventually simply because you’ll get tired of me repeatedly asking “Hey, did you read my latest blog post yet?”) prepare your palette for some delicious Dothraki horseloaf.