Coming soon to a streaming service near you, a magical new holiday movie!
“A Cozy Covid Christmas.”
Starring Sage Periwinkle as Holly Merriweather and Chadwick Strongjaw as Logan Bennett. Featuring Judy Greer as The Quirky Best Friend, Tom Skerritt as Someone’s Dad, and Candace Cameron Bure as the Evil High-Powered Boss.
Meet Holly. A busy and adorably neurotic interior designer living in an undefined big city. When she’s not busy walking determinedly across a crowded crosswalk, she’s busy talking on the phone while signing various documents people hold out for her, followed by busily sipping wine at a hip bar with her best friend.
Judy Greer: “How did your date go last night?”
Holly: “Terrible. I shouldn’t have even gone. I’m so busy with my career as a successful bakery chef.”
Judy Greer (whispering): “Interior designer.”
Holly: “Oh. Right. Anyway, I don’t have time for romance. All I care about is this upcoming Very Important Business Deal.”
Judy Greer: “Holly, you need to live a little! Let’s have more wine. Where’s that hot waiter?”
But while Holly may not think she has time for romance, 2020 has different plans. Especially once she runs into Logan Bennett, the charming but damaged hometown bachelor who dresses like a fancy lumberjack and who happens to have a positive test result.
For reasons that are flimsy and never fully explained, these two strangers must quarantine together over the holidays in a quaint Vermont inn surrounded by picturesque snowy mountains.
Logan: “Look, let’s just make the best of this. How about we order some food. What do you like? Sushi? Thai?”
Holly: “I guess I could go for a cheeseburger and a beer.”
Logan: “Nothing. It’s just…you’re not like other girls, are you?”
The only thing they have in common is their endearing stubbornness and apparent access to unlimited top quality hair products. But when a frozen pipe explodes, forcing them to work together until they end up soaked and laughing on the kitchen floor, they find both of their hearts starting to thaw.
Judy Greer (via Zoom): “Listen, sweetie, if you don’t go after that hunk of a man, I will.” (sips from giant wine glass)
Holly: “How can I? My career comes first. It always has. Besides, Karen needs those proofs by Christmas Eve…”
Judy Greer: “Oh, it’s a pandemic, Holly! Take a day off, for Pete’s sake! Find you some love in the time of corona.”
Both: (laugh impeccably white toothy laughs while sipping more wine)
But it’s only when a blizzard sweeps through, knocking out the power and forcing these two star-crossed and asymptomatic would-be lovers to huddle together under a blanket surrounded by candlelight, that they truly learn no mandate can force two hearts to socially distance.
Luke…Liam?…Logan!: “It’s just, my parents divorced on Christmas Eve when I was 13 and my fiance left me at the altar at our Christmas themed wedding three years ago and I never got over my childhood dog dying on New Year’s Eve and since then it’s been hard for me to get close to anyone, especially during the holidays.”
Holly (gently grabbing his hands): “Logan, you may not be an essential worker, but you’re essential to me.”
Then a bunch of other melodramatic stuff happens after the quarantine ends and they have to return to the real world, all of which is sloppily tied up in the sappy ending on Christmas morning.
Holly: “Do you think you could ever love me, even though I betrayed you to get the scoop I needed for my Big Magazine Article?”
Logan: “I thought you were an interior designer.”
Holly: “Oh. Right. Well, do you think you could ever love me even though I’m a mess but always somehow impeccably dressed?”
Logan: “Only if you can forgive me for that sleazy, sexist bet I made with my super rich best friend when I first met you but then changed my mind about once I got to know you.”
(passionate kiss set to rising music and an absurd amount of falling snow)
This holiday season, get ready for “A Cozy Covid Christmas.” Coming to a streaming service near you.