Well, the first week of school is officially over. And what an amazing week it was!
I actually have no idea what is going on, because small humans are awful at communicating (albeit very good at communicating awfully loudly). So far, this is the information I’ve managed to glean from our chaotic post-school conversations:
No one noticed the first grader’s very new, very super cool LOL doll-thing snack bag.
Third grader: Zombies!
OR HER NEW LIGHT UP SHOES!
Third grader: Zombie blood!
Someone did mention her dress pockets though.
Lunch on Wednesdays is pizza. Duh. Everyone knows that.
First grader is pissed they haven’t learned science yet.
I did not pack them nearly enough snacks.
So many more graphic details about zombies for some reason. Random reference to Minecraft.
First grader got a lollipop from someone. She thinks their name might be Fuchsia.
Third grader’s teacher’s name is pronounced Frlskjfkshfkjsh (98 percent sure this is incorrect).
First grader LOVES her teacher. Teachers. First grader has three teachers this year ??? One is Mrs. Theolien. One has blonde hair. One is *indecipherable murmuring*
Zombie blood coming out of all kinds of eyeballs! And butts! And penises!
First grader can take out TWO library books this year.
I bought the wrong cartoon-shaped graham crackers.
Apparently all zombie content is related to playground game and/or unsanctioned LARPing during class time. Or video game ???
Third grader can TOO wear a hat all day in the building, MOM.
Yasmin has better snacks.
ON CHICKEN PATTY DAY THIRD GRADER DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO EAT ENTIRE CHICKEN PATTY. THIS WAS NOT OK.
There are anywhere from two to five third grade teachers. They all wear glasses. One is a man. Although he might teach fourth grade.
Once again, the first grader did not do any science experiments involving goggles and dangerous chemicals that go BOOM.
Third grader may have illegally drawn a few new pages in his comic book during class time but the POINT IS he didn’t get caught.
Comic book is about zombies.
Wait, maybe Fuchsia isn’t her name. It might be Sparkle Shine.
Third grader has a locker! His very own!
First grader is devastated that she has a mere cubby.
Third grader’s locker doesn’t have an actual lock, if that makes her feel better.
It weirdly does.
Can first grader spend the night at Lollipop Girl’s house, whose name is definitely Jessamalyn, this weekend? Or maybe her name is Fuchsia? Yeah, definitely Fuchsia. PLEASE?
Third grader’s socks felt weird but he didn’t have a tantrum because he was at school. Also he is going to be a zombie for Halloween.
MOM! PERIWINKLE IS MY BEST FRIEND! WHY CAN’T I SPEND THE NIGHT AT HER HOUSE?