I don’t know, you guys. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been sleeping very well lately, or perhaps this winter weather is driving me a bit stir crazy. But I’ve been in a really bad mood.
I mean, everything seems to be getting on my nerves lately. Last night while watching the Oscars, my phone actually committed suicide because it couldn’t take any more of the pure snark streaming out of my Twitter feed:
“I don’t know who’s more excited, Anne Hathaway or her nipples.”
“I want to give 90 percent of the women in the audience a Twinkie.”
“So nice to know that with all these talented women in one place, untalented people can immediately put them in their place by hating their dress.”
“Just once I want the answer to the question “Who are you wearing?” to be “Your mom.”
“The Oscars are so long I can’t remember what it’s like to not be watching the Oscars.”
See what I mean?
It’s bad, people.
But the good news is that I’ve decided to do something productive with all this negative energy by creating a list of all the stupid (and mostly made up) words that I think need to die a very painful death and then be buried deep in the earth where no one can ever use them again.
First and foremost on that list: “cray-cray”
“adorbs”- Stop being lazy and just say the whole damn word. Also, for those of you that still use “adorkable” to describe cute, dorky girls, that was funny once, ONCE, and that one time it was funny was the very first time someone used it.
“sexting” -This one I hate not so much as a word but at what it represents. As a writer I can never really turn off my internal editor and so there is nothing quite like a typo to turn me off.
“amazeballs”- This is the acid-washed jeans of words. Outdated and never, ever due for a comeback.
“artisanal”- Stop using this word to make your stupid, homemade candles and soaps sound less pathetic.
“vajayjay”-Until we start referring to the penis as “panaynay,” this word needs to be shot, have some concrete blocks strapped to its feet and dropped in a river.
But by far, BY FAR, the one word that needs to die until the human race is mature enough to use it correctly is “literally.”