Well friends, we almost made it. Just a few more days left of school! Who is ready for summer!?
Summer school, that is! Yay! Oh yes, I know you kids were looking forward to a carefree summer full of sun and fun but learning never stops. Especially when you will be home for the next three months, wreaking havoc on my home and sanity. So welcome to Mama’s Summer School for Wayward (and Slightly Feral) Children! Get ready for exciting learning opportunities, such as:
Are These Socks Dirty or Clean? A Symposium On Hampers
When Pants Attack! A Lecture Series On When Pants Are Optional & When They Are Mandatory
This Is Called A Dishwasher
Proper Aluminum Foil Application On Leftovers
There Is Pee All Over The Floor: Who Should Do Something About It (YOU!) & When (IMMEDIATELY!)
Nutrition 101: If You Were Really Hungry, You’d Eat The Apple I Already Offered
Nutrition 102: No, You Cannot Have Another Snack
The Planet Is Boiling Alive & You Have Irish Peasant DNA: Sunscreen Basics For Genetic RedHeads
This Is Called A Broom
Wet Towel Math: How To Calculate How Many More Times I Need To Yell At You To Pick Up Your Wet Towel Before You Are Grounded
You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream About Screen Time: A Seminar On How To Earn Back Your Tablet
And later this summer, we’re going to take some refresher courses before you head back to actual school, such as:
Why We Don’t Wait Until The Second-To-Last Day Of School To Tell Mom About All The Missing Library Books
Where Is Your Snack Bag From Last Year: Fun With Hazardous Materials
You Need How Many Cupcakes!? When!? Son Of A…: School Fundraiser FUNdamentals
Curse Words Belong In The Home, Not In The Classroom
Please Learn To Tie Your Shoes, People Are Going To Start Judging Me
1. Peanut Butter 101: Learn how this versatile spread can be used for all three meals, a nutritious snack and even a salad bar extra. As a bonus, the Laura Scudder brand provides a handy lubricant for squeaky hinges.
2. Swimming pool v toilet – Teaching your potty-trained child the difference.
3. Fun with maps – Parents will demonstrate to the kids the joys and frustrations of navigation before cell phones and GPS. A week-long bonus will deal with folding the map in the original configuration. Note: This class also counts toward one credit of origami.