How to register for baby gifts

Step 1: Get knocked up.

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Step 2: Realize your house is a baby death trap.

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Step 3: Try to stop self from screaming “YES!!!” when mother offers to throw you baby shower.

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Step 4: Begin immediately fielding calls from everyone you’ve ever met asking if you’ve registered yet.

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Step 5: Mention to your husband in passing that you should really register soon.

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Step 6: Half-heartedly attempt to register one night but get distracted by Dawson’s Creek marathon on Netflix.

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Step 7: Finally sit down to register after death threat from cousin.

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Step 8: Begin reading the product reviews.

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Step 9: Stop reading product reviews when blood starts spurting from your eyes.

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Step 10: Say screw it and start picking things based solely on color and how many adorable dancing giraffes it features. Then eat an entire bag of Cheetos and take a nap. You’ve earned it.

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