Kids, there are many reasons why yours truly shouldn’t drink 10 pints of beer and take a huge shot of Maker’s Mark in one night. For one, it leads to a bar refusing to serve you because you were “allegedly” swaying back and forth and drooling (judgmental, douchebag bartender).
But more importantly, it could lead to the following situation:
Last Saturday, as the night was winding down (and my blackout stage was winding up), two men in our group made the declaration that “women aren’t funny.” Now considering these guys didn’t know that I’ve been a humor columnist for the past seven years and that they are two of the most progressive-minded people I know, I wish I could tell you that I calmly and rationally told them how utterly ridiculous that statement was.
And I’m sure I would have…had I been Sober Aprill. But Drunk Aprill had taken over hours ago and as such, when I (loudly) disagreed (with no shortage of colorful language) and was then asked to name a funny woman, I sputtered out something along the lines of:
“Um…Tina Fey, hello!…and um…you know, Erma Bombeck…and pffffttt….so many…[expletive-deleted] stoopid men…Gilda [expletive-deleted] Radner and…how can you say that? There’s so many…like…[expletive-deleted] that one chick…and…[expletive-deleted] you [expletive-deleted] guys [expletive-deleted] are [not-really-a-word-but-sounds-like-it-should-be-an-expletive-deleted] assholes.”And then I stormed (staggered) off.
I then proceeded to drunkenly yell at my husband (whose only mistake was having a penis and being in close proximity to his drunk wife) all the way home.
Now, did I over-react? Abso-[expletive-deleted]-lutely. Especially considering we spent the whole night basically riffing on politically-incorrect material.
But do I think they were wrong? You bet your funny-ass vagina I do.
And so, it still bothers me that there are people out there who think women aren’t funny. As such, through the miracle of the Interwebs, I present my much more rational (re: sober) argument to the statement that women aren’t funny:
There were the great pioneers like Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett. In fact, the biggest compliment I ever got in my career was being told by an itty-bitty 77-year-old woman that I reminded her of Carol Burnett (in fact, I was so flattered, I’m thinking of putting “Aprill Brandon: Once compared to Carol Burnett” on my tombstone…that, or “Aprill Brandon: She was one hell of ninja”).Not to mention, Gilda Radner and Tracey Ullman also kicked down many doors for funny women; a mantle which was taken up by Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, Rachel Dratch, Amy Poelher, Maya Rudolph and Tina Fey (who wasn’t just funny onscreen, but was also the head writer for SNL and has won an obscene amount of awards for “30 Rock.”). Speaking of writers, how about Erma Bombeck, who paved the way for other modern newspaper humor columnists? Or Dorothy Parker? Or Dawn Powell? Or Amy Sherman-Palladino, the writer and creator of “Gilmore Girls”? Or Diablo Cody, who wrote all those great lines in “Juno”? While the majority of the funny lines on the American version of “The Office” are given to men, it’s co-executive producer and show writer Mindy Kaling (a.k.a. Kelly Kapoor) writing those lines.
What about Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres and Wanda Sykes? What about Julia Louis-Dreyfuss holding her own in the boys’ club that was “Seinfeld”?
Davis Sedaris is one of the greatest humorists of our times, in my opinion…but his sister, Amy Sedaris, is just as funny. (Seriously, if you’ve never seen the TV show “Strangers with Candy,” drop whatever it is you’re doing right now and run out and get it…unless you’re currently holding a baby, in which case, gently hurl the baby at the closest available adult and run out and get it).And then you have up-and-comers like actress Emma Stone, who made “Easy A” much more than just another raunchy teenage comedy.
There’s dozens upon dozens of others I could name.
Now that’s not to say that everyone finds every woman on this list funny. But you can’t tell me that absolutely none are.
So, gentlemen, the next time you think women aren’t funny, don’t blame it on us having a uterus. Blame it either on 1. that particular woman isn’t funny in your opinion or 2. you were probably too busy staring at her boobs to truly get the joke.